When our forefathers landed on these virgin shores, they brought with them a hope for a new life, a spirit of entrepreneurship, and a love of beer. Beer is irrevocably linked to the American dream, and is the very symbol of the liberties of our Republic. It is, therefore, a blatant assault on our God-given freedoms that the administration is working to eradicate beer-pong from our way of life.
“Beer, if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.” So said Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Independence, and greatest of all the Tribe. It is beyond questioning that when our founding fathers sat down to begin this great experiment of democracy, that it was their original intent that Americans have the liberty to consume alcohol through whatever method they please. In proscribing beer pong, the College has lost touch with what America was meant to be.
This is not the College we grew up with, and if we do not act now, we may never get it back. To that end, The Informer is announcing a Rally to Restore Beer Pong on October 15. Continuing the spirit begun in this very city when men such as Peyton Randolph, Patrick Henry, and George Mason gathered to defend their liberties, we call upon all able-bodied members of the Tribe to gather against a threat just as grave. Even under the tyranny of George III the free consumption of beer was left unmolested. Not even the godless Soviets would dare infringe upon this freedom. Just as those early founders gathered for beer and rum punch at the Raleigh Tavern, we must gather at the College and protest this offense to liberty.
Some will say that it is arrogant to claim the legacy of Thomas Jefferson and his peers by gathering on these hallowed College grounds. We are aware of this concern, and in an act of unprecedented humility, we have chosen not to gather in the shadow of that sacred structure where some of the Tribe’s earliest college hangovers were experienced. Rather, we will gather just below that temple to the liberty of libation in the Crim Dell Meadow, where the equality of all is demonstrated on a daily basis.
Some will say that this is an overreaction, and that we are crying wolf against a false enemy. The banning of beer pong, fellow Collegians, is but the first step down a slippery slope to statism and tyranny. We are sounding a clarion call not just against the assault on beer pong, but against further attacks to come. Is this what our founders intended for us? Did George Washington not enjoy a good keg stand? Did the Fifth Virginia Convention not celebrate the Declaration of Independence with a massive beer pong tournament? We must stand our ground here.
Do we wish to be the poor man who can only say, “First they came for beer pong, and I did not speak up because I did not play. Then they came for beer bongs, and I said nothing because I did not own one. Finally, they came for my Solo cups, and no one was inebriated enough to speak out for my drink?” No, surely we do not. Now is the time for action. Restore Honor. Restore Sanity. Restore Beer Pong.
The Informer does not condone drinking that is in violation of federal, state and local law.