Constant Reader, we have reached a critical point in our relationship. You may not have realized it, but you have your hands on not the ninth, but the tenth iteration of our weekly column. In honor of ourselves, we are going to discuss some of our favorite and least favorite things somewhat related to the number 10.
Wren 10: This weekly a capella performance was once graced by the vocals of our very own Joel White. For those of you who are not aware, which is probably everyone reading this, half of your favorite columnist duo valiantly fought his way from venues such as the Bryan Complex showers, to the hallowed Wren Portico. His three month tenure as a Christopher Wren singer proved just long enough to perform in one single Wren 10. President Reveley himself is said to have wept.
Perfect 10s: You may have one in your Astronomy 101 class. You know from Facebook that they like tennis and Lil Wayne, have I hate politics! political views, and most devastatingly, are in a relationship with some uggo back home. It doesn’t matter. You see them everywhere, make awkward/deliberate eye contact, and realize that they have no clue who you are. Nevertheless, you feel like with every new tumblr link they post, you know them that much better.
Alfred, Lord 10yson: That was a pun.
10th Amendment: Call us libertarians, but we’re glad that all powers not delegated to the national government are reserved for the states. How else would we get fun things like state car inspections, state-run liquor stores, or Ken Cuccinelli? Boy, if only we had his comedic talent.
Decathlon: Triathlon? Pff. We’ve got you seven-upped (SO MANY PUNS). Even if you complete the Triathlon three times, you still can’t top it. Our version is new and improved, with seven new additions: Crim Dell spear fishing; a slow, sweatpants-clad walk through Miller; SunChip eating competition on Swem’s 3rd floor (compostable bags only); going a month eating nothing but Dodge Room food; direct traffic for one hour at Confusion Corner; complete 100 “quick” marketing surveys; and use every public restroom on campus.
Gary Locke, 10th in line to United States Presidency: What’s not to like about this guy? He was the first Asian-American governor of a state in the Continental United States, he’s an Eagle Scout, and he looks like a much cooler guy than Carlos Gutierrez, the Secretary of Commerce before him.
You may be wondering, Constant Reader, why we only listed six things. The reason is simple. We’re too lazy to come up with four more. Do you know of any fun ten-somes? Email them to us at [email protected] or post them on the wall for the TBA with Joel and Cody fan page. Thanks for your a10tiveness, Constant Reader, and we will think of you oft10 between now and next week.